foreword
ぜんかい -- ゼンカイ
no longer yearning. what have we not done before?
"the world is really but the stage - create the most fulfilling play"
If you're a thief, master the art of thievery.
A psychotic mind leaves no room for regrets.
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Zheng Kai
01.11.1989
CHS - AJC
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1st Tenor
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© Copyrights:
Original layout
Content & Images
Chok Zheng Kai, 2008
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Monday, January 30, 2006
its only the second day of cny chatted on de fone with gw n ken til very late in the nite my cough is never getting better. my singing range dropped frm 3 octaves 2 notes to like 5 notes. haha.
wanted to go ice skating today but too lazy and needed to go temples too so in the end decided to go tml instead coz xx also going wanna watch i not stupid too today heard its quite nice n sad. i dun usually support local productions so i guess i shud lol
also wanna make another passing statement things that r nt meant to be mine i will never have them and i dun mind not having if fate seriously doesnt allow it
something else strucked me this morning as i was visiting all the temples and stuff i suddenly remembered abt all my long-lost relatives. i knew they existed all along but i jus didnt have the interest to find out each n every one of them
last yr i found out i was donna's god-cousin who was in the same sch and same cca as my cousin xx. coz this is singapore and its so small many coincidences happen
my granddad broke of relations with his siblings long long ago. then my mum still keep in touch with only some of her cousins til today. very few though and then there is still the whole biological line behind to discover that makes up 3 generations of relatives + 3 generations of bio family. if one family has abt 3 children 56 ppl + another 3 bio line almost total of 108 adults and children and teenagers and who else noes wad ppl that are my relatives but i dunno them! it could be u. u here reading my blog. its so amazing. i wanna find out who r they. and whether i know them anot. but i dunno when will tt be becoz until today there are still forbidden ties i dunno
"Some things which are never meant to be will never mean to be."
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Sunday, January 29, 2006
| Your Power Color Is Indigo |  At Your Highest:
You are on a fast track to success - and others believe in you.
At Your Lowest:
You require a lot of attention and praise.
In Love:
You see people as how you want them to be, not as how they are.
How You're Attractive:
You're dramatic flair makes others see you as mysterious and romantic.
Your Eternal Question:
"Does This Work Into My Future Plans?" |
| Your Love Element Is Metal |  In love, you inspire and respect your partner.For you, love is all about fusing together for one incredible life experience.
You attract others with wit and a bit of flash.Your flirting style is defined by making others want and value you.
Greatness and optimism are the cornerstones of your love life.You may let go too easily, but you never get weighed down by your past.
You connect best with: Earth
Avoid: Fire
You and another Metal element: will control and smother each other |
What Element Is Your Love?
| Your Eyes Should Be Brown |  Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom
What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart |
What Color Should Your Eyes Be?
above are jus some of the tests i took jus for fun' but many of them reflect true things abt myself. today i gambled lots haha now gt shoulder ache but nvm. im gonna sleep soon but b4 tt, i jus wanna make a statement i was in my car home tonite, n while in it i looked up to the sky and i wished i was looking at the wonderous sky with someone i truly love and i hope that day will come. haha
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Saturday, January 28, 2006
Night of Day
i think by the time i finish this entry, the fun has jus started my parents are inviting my realatives and cousins over for reunion dinner here so i guess it'll be quite re-nao. but the day pales in comparision. while my parents were busy preparing, i was left with nothing but boredom stared and walked around the house the whole time chatted with tian xiang a lil and jiamin and roy too. he was mad he wanted to buy a abt $450 dunks. pure madness worse than ken and i. lol okay then i went to find the x-japan songs ppl recommended. listened to them and researched abt them they are a very old grp quite sad ending but songs still very nice esp the new song i put up this blog changed the layout a little too was fiddling with the html codes the whole time haha hope de fonts nt too small yup so tts it, nothing eventful, jus tt my cough hasnt recovered yet. barely have the voice to talk now. but nevertheless, HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR. have fun with ur reunions and stuffs. cya. tiffany is here!!
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Friday, January 27, 2006
The Night of the Day
Yesterday was Gerald's birthday! Happy birthday to him! We went to sakae to eat in honour of that as well. Had alot of fun! And guo wei finally met izhar face to face or something. hmm. nothing much happened in de day, or i sort of forgotten abt it le. all i noe is b4 that we called choir and mr kwei told us to lou more yu sheng for better o lvl results. and he said aj is expected to have even lower cut off points. means more difficult to get in la. goodness. nvm. everything is already decided by God. so let it be. the bulk of my entry shall be about today, the eve of the eve of CNY. read on...
Had a lot of mixed feelings today. Like another spectrum of emotions felt once again, but not exactly something pleasing or something I yearn to feel again. (unlike syf). Basically, I finally decided that poning school is useless so I went to school today. Actually, I also needed to pass newspapers to Jia Min and to accompany Roy in his crashing. Lol. So it sounded fun to me, mainly coz I never played host to a crasher before. So we met up and decided he should hide in the toilet during morning assembly. After that he followed me to attend physics and economics lecture. He takes exactly same combi as me in CJ so it sort of is useful to him. Just that AJ teach faster than CJ.
The physics lecturer was that Mr. Chan, that very funny and eh-hem one. Yah as usual he tends to suan other schools. This time he sounded like Mr. Lee by keep mentioning RJ in his suans. Lolx. Some funny stuff he said. Well at least it helped for those who tend to fall asleep during lectures. Best thing is that Mr. Chan jus totally asked Roy a question haha. And during the whole time, Roy was substituting the missing Hwee Beng, from 13/06 who was still on medical leave. LOL. Those 13/06 st nicks gals believed he was Hwee Beng and kept calling him that la. Lol. Econs was normal. Then break then celebration le.
During break our class ppl was like so comical, all trying to leave the school premises. Kept deliberating whether to really do so at the GO. Lol. Finally decided to try, then they walk until the guard house there, the guard apparently told them to turn back so they turned back LOL. It was so funny lor. Cat high ppl also la. Say wanna pon then in the end all so guai attend celebration later. Hmmm. But celebration not that bad la. Even Roy attended and said it was most probably gonna be better than CJ de. LOL. No offense to Douglas and timothy who is supposedly involved in the performance during CNY there.
After that was just like the exodus of students. Everyone was like going back their sec schools. Cat high ppl a lot went back lor. Mainly is CJ people never go back. Aiyoh they got lessons until 3pm or something. And that is very dumb. They should at least know their students are going back their secondary schools lor. Waved and said happy new year to a lot of teachers today. All of them still so friendly, so nice and everything. Ate lunch at school canteen too. Chatted with Aaron, Bryan, boon teck, Richard and guo wei about a lot of stuffs. NY ppl dun really love their school that much. They say they wanna come AJ instead. Haix dunno la. Results are nearing closer and closer and I really hope we can get it asap so we do everything once and for all and settle down totally. Now everything in front of us is like so misty, so unsettled. We need a sense of settlement lah. Cant jus drift and have fun/mug a bit (for some) during this whole period of time lor.. its so sianx.
Talking about changing school, I was seriously thinking about it for the next half of the day. I suddenly wanted to transfer to Temasek JC. Lol. Not because anyone said it was nice there, but mainly because NO ONE went there or something. LOL. All of a sudden it occurred to me I would probably prefer such a lifestyle, all my friends and comfort areas gone. Shipped all alone away to a whole new island of adventures and everything else. The feeling was intriguing. Really, I really pondered hard about that idea. On the mrt, on the way home, I dunno. I was thinking about something that probably will not happen. An alternate reality again, as I would term it.
I went home to bathe and change and prepare for ice skating. Met Joey, ken and kai quan at yio chu kang mrt station. Was late and had all 3 of them totally staring at me. Lol. Met Chris later at yishun mrt. Hmmm. Something memorable today would be what Joey said. On the train to jurong east, we were really bored so we were chatting and then we played this staring game. I was playing it with Joey when he suddenly said this, “Zheng kai, I dunno whether this is true or maybe all are just my imagination, but somehow staring into your eyes tells me a lot about a person. and staring hard into yours, I would probably say you are a person who have gone through quite a lot in life and more importantly, you are a person who thinks deep into things.” I was momentarily speechless because I never tot anyone would say this to me. Then, realizing he could be rite abt it, I agreed to his deduction. Then, I went into deep thought myself. I did go thru quite a lot. A lot of things other dont usually go through. But am I masking my past? Is there a need too? I dunno, perhaps my life experience has made me view things in life from a deeper perspective. Perhaps. It was really what I call a time well spent on a train traveling at a somehow monotonous pace. Thinking.
Sometimes you just look at a person and you can tell something about him. Its not about appearances or first impression or anything near the phrase ‘never judge a book by its cover’. True, I totally agree with that, especially coz JC life opened much talk about first impressions. (refer to tian xiang’s blog) but wad u see here thru the windows of another soul is something else, something much deeper, something which you can only feel, but may not exactly aptly describe it in words. Something which all of us can perhaps miraculously find a way to relate to as well. Its about this minute sense of telepathy in all humans. Some are jus over-sensitive. Some are ignorant, others jus simply don’t care.
So during the whole train ride I was in deep thought. Thinking about the JC thing, and also about this theories in life. Its philosophical, and that’s the stuff I like. The JC thing is coz im forced to think about it again and again. And then I still came to the conclusion that Ill stay. Hmmm. See what happens when the results are released.
So we finally reached jurong and we headed to ice skate. Saw that guy again. And now I found out his name, coz we interacted more this time. He’s called Kevin and he goes there like almost everyday. Lol. And best of all, he doesn’t need to pay a single cent coz he knows the boss or something. Haha. He tried to teach me other stuff today but I cant learn in time la.. >.< haha. Skated in total for about 3 hrs. I skated the most. Kai quan and ken second most. Joey was resting a lot coz his leg pain and Chris was changing his skates the whole time. Lol. Went off only about 8.40pm. haha. After the whole episode of thinking deep on the train, it was really good to de-stress through ice skating. That was what keeps me going back and again. Went off on a train back to bishan next, and crapped a lot. Haha. This time it wasn’t serious thinking but plain crap. It all started when I left my ice skating bag on the mrt floor and chucked it away below a seat. Then we started saying what happens if I forgot to take it with me when I leave. Then we decided it would cause widespread chaos and panic and the train will abruptly halt and everyone ordered to evacuate. Bomb-inspectors will arrive and send their robot-like thing to check the baggage, only to find a pair of ice skates. Mediacorp will send channelnewsasia and everything else to cover the news and my mum will jus go totally busy or something again lol. After news of it hits the front pages, then people will start writing in to the forum page abt their views and everything. Then we will have to do news commentaries on the incident during our GP lessons. LOL. Everything went on and on. Seems like the whole world is interconnected. And after all that everyone will be like wondering who is that idiot who left the bag there. And I will go like OPPS.
Anyway we ended up at interchange Mac to grab a bite. I was just casually chatting with ken and I told him that Kevin guy looks like a description of one of his many cousins and he jus went OMG. Coz he thought so too but just that he didn’t say it out and now I jus totally said it out for him Lol! In some ways, he also look like Eugene from 4-6, his other cousin. Its so funny lor!! I’m not really surprised if it really is, but I guess the truth will be out soon coz they will meet during Chinese New Year haha. That is something so amazing about Singapore. Anyone can just be related to you. Just like Donna who is xiao xuan classmate, my god-cousin or something. Then now this guy who we met at the ice skating rink for like 10 times, and a total stranger, might turn out to be ken long-distance cousin. LOL.
So many things have already happened sometimes we wonder if we can catch up in life. But guess what, there are sooo much more to come and I guess that life! LOL. Now, I just wanna wish everyone reading this entry a very HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!!
Also, a very happy birthday to Roy who is turning 17 tomorrow!! woohoo..lol
"No man can say he is denied of love. For if he is a priest, love lies between him and god. For if he is homosexual, love lies between him and others of the same gender. And even for all those whom are too selfish to think of love, at least they know they love themselves."
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Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Perhaps.
this is gonna be one long entry. mainly becoz i have lotsa things to say. i'll start of by narrating the events of the day. well this morning was not exactly the best morning i had. mainly becoz i went to sch and the first thing i had to do was to check the debate sign-up list. and guess wad, i tot the dates for the auditions were like supposed to be next week or something but no!! its actually three days choose one: tue (yestd), wed (todae) and thur (tml). and best part, we gt to prepare a notion, which we have a choice between 1. this house fears the opening of china and 2. with great powers comes great responsibilities. i mean, im nt scared of the prep la, coz i had enuf exp of toking esp in sec sch. but, it still sound very sian to me. coz im having a sore throat and im supposed to be speaking more 5 continuous min abt something i feel so sian abt. then half way cough cough cough. lol. decided against putting my name down anywae. joanne didnt too. but i think ms chan doesnt noe yet. whoopps. nvm la. im sure she understands.
so i had maths lecture, same graphing techniques thingy again. nothing much other than more weird lookin graphs and eqns. and of course, who wouldn't forget the wonderful maths lecturer who had to SING/HUM the sch bell coz it was apparently faulty. lolx. after maths we had break for 1.5 hrs. was chatting with hui ping n joanne and found out hui ping frm same pri sch as doug. she was asking if i knew doug, and im like: goodness, how wud i nt noe him lor. hui ping say doug very suai. lolx. probably tt explains his mysterious yet surging fame and popularity in cj. of course, i heard some extremely shocking, jaw-dropping, eye-opening things frm hui ping abt herself. joanne n i were like so so so shocked we needed slaps n pinches to see if we were hearing wad we were hearing. okay. didnt expect tt.
then the lessons went as usual with gp, then came chinese. mdm foo actually asked me to read the whole chinese paragraph. obviously she doesnt noe my chinese is probably worse than 'cai xiao di'. n she still says i look super studious or something. hmm. n her son is so evil lorx. she was like lamenting abt her son coz he was jus being totally rude to her by deleting her teaching documents and didnt apologise to her somemore. so unfilial. shud be given a gd talking to.
maths tutorial when we had out test. i guess everything went pretty well other than the fact that i FORGOT to change the qn to some other form, thus totally causing many many marks frm my already pitifully wounded srcipt. sad la. nvm. luckily tts all for the day.
so after tt i went to choir at 2.30 while guo wei n chris went off to council immersion at 3.30. i think they totally immersed themselves into lotsa fun. lolx. we sort of finished tt jap 'sasasaing' song. its totally tedious, frustrating, difficult, and at times, funny. then de 2 sop gals always standing at the door came to ask me y i always starin in their direction. but i jus totally retorted, 'how u noe? coz u were staring at our direction too lorx'. lolx. so i made 2 new j2 sops as frens today. one asked me to call her lala. the other called charlene. haha. didnt tok to 'ms hua' lookalike coz she wasnt there at first for warmups.
met ken after co too, together with joey n guo wei. we went off to bishan together. hmm. joey today very mad lor. keep shouting 'scandalous!'. tml he will change to 'promiscuous!' and the day after tomorrow wud be 'salacious!' lolx. somemore need to find more words frm the thesaurus. as if must add on to my piling amts of hmk. toking abt hmk, i gt all the huge pilage of physics qns i gt to complete for ms ng tomorrow. she is like so fierce though i think she looks like stef sun. then i still gt the maths tutorial binomial series thingy. hmmm. wad a wonderful eve of eve of eve of chinese new yr.
tomorrow morning first 3 periods gt PE too, and i think my condition now still doesnt allow me to continue with all tt physical stuffs. so i guess i wud be excused from pe tomorrow. whether he forces me to do make-up pe is another thing i wouldnt wanna think abt now.
oh yes, n i dunno y everyone seems to noe wad class im in, and keep referring to me as 'the guy in liangpei's class' lolx. they may nt noe my name, but many j2s jus call me by tt. tts so weird coz i dun even tok to liangpei, who is in my class, often. lol.
cny is coming, and so is something esle. o lvl results. so sry for sayin it once again but it jus gt to be said. thus im all looking forward to ice skating this fri, which is only 1 day more!! yay. eating lunch with jia min n ppl, and visiting cat high! sounds exciting enuf la.
luckily the doc gave me a very short course of anti-biotics. coz he noe i'll hate him if he gave me anything more lol. i hate anti-bio lor. gives me nightmares which happened last time. long long ago. evil memories.
now, i have come to the next part of my purpose in blogging. hahas. told ya its gonna be long. recently i have been reading some of my juniors blogs and i realise they r nt exactly living the very nice life i used to lead in chs. they r like so bogged down by trivial or big-scale unhappiness, stress, work, cca stuff, council stuff. and the list in inexhaustable. it really pains me lor. coz my memories in tt sch will always ever be so gd, so nice n so conducive. i dunno why its liddat now, but seriously i think the statement 'with great power comes great responsibility'. coz there's somthing similar in all those having lotsa probs. they r trapped in some sort of power struggle or play. well, its perfectly normal to have power hungry ppl, but i think if one is complaining so much abt having everything to handle then obviously they r nt ready for it and shud back down. seriously, nt tt i dislike such ppl, but i think its for their own gd coz at the end of the day i think they wud want to bring away a happy memory, a happy piece of their youth n sec sch life to be kept in their album of their hearts n minds.
oh yes, and apparently liang yu n xin chu has blogs now even. see my links to them.
and to end the entry, i also wanna comment on something very strange n mysterious tt is happening to one of my very gd fren. apparently things may nt seem to be jus as simple as he think, and i hope things does nt get outta hand. i have to end here coz i need to go take my medicine le.
"A truth that is told with bad intent beats all lies that can be invented."
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Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Born a Fighter
been thru all tt, gone thru all tt. but in the eyes of ppl, we will always be so lucky, so fortunate ppl that never appeared to ever meet any trials in their lives. most of the time when we hear abt ppl around us suffering from something terrible and life-changing (eg. terminal illness, parents' separation), we somehow always manage to go into a shock. perhaps because these r the ppl closer to our hearts, so we expect much more from them and are especially sensitive abt all that.
esp for children, they always expect their family to be a perfect one, because they know its where their main source of security comes from. they will feel their world has shattered if they spotted any imprefection in their parents/family. many of us will feel sorry for them, but deep below, we probably knew we experienced something similar too.
not everyone has a happy childhood. yes, most of us chose to remember the good memories and count our blessings even in the worst period of our lives. but there are certain things have happened that subconsciously made an impact on a young mind, a mind that will grow up to see things differently. and if they manage to survive all that, a mind stronger than the average will be formed.
sad but true, many of us has secrets deep within out hearts. secrets that describe events tt happened so long ago, but nevertheless impactful. these secrets, ppl would choose never to reveal them, because humans all strive to be independent, to be strong. they do not want excessive pity from ppl around them. it is a backbone for them to succeed in life.
lessons we all must learn: dun be too jealous of other ppl's happiness and possessions. because behind that smile and dream, they might have gone thru much more than u noe. never judge a book by its cover. there's a certain reason y some ppl choose to be a dramatist. and not a realist.
i have gt no quote today as im too sick to think of one, so i decided i'll end this off with a song titled My Innocence by Lindsay Lohan.
Lindsay Lohan - My Innocence
i was born a fighter
i was born on a rainy day
i had my share of pain
but you missed most of that
so many other things you had to do
you looked after you
do you remember what u did
do you know what you just missed
and do you care about that word i have to say?
you took my innocence away and never had a chance to
you broke me in with your mistakes well thanks for the break through
but you wont bring me down i always come around
you took my innoncence away
but the best of me stayed
it could be your blood
running through all my veins
that ties me to your fate
if i could just close my eyes
i blackout all the reasons why
we're still in this place
what u want is what u got
you should have tried to make it stop
i quess you could'nt find a way to let me in
you took my innocence away and never had a chance to
you broke me in with your mistakes well thanks for the break through
but you wont bring me down i always come around
you took my innoncence away
but the best of me stayed
loneliness have filled my sole and it creeps inside it takes control
and i dont know how to begin giving up on everything
you took my innocence away and never had a chance to
you broke me in with your mistakes well thanks for the break through
but you wont bring me down i always am around
you took my innoncence away
but the best of me stayed
but the best of me stayed
but the best of me stayed
ohh. but the best of me stayed.
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Sunday, January 22, 2006
Skater Boi
i love ice skating. but sad la, today didnt manage to go ice skating coz the rink suddenly close at 4.30pm. must rmb rink closes at 4.30pm every sunday. lol. they gt like misleading sign boards lor. oh yes, n i saw the same ppl who were there yestd skating there too.
so ended up we went off to woodlands causeway point to eat at swensens instead. doug was very much his old self le, except for the so many flirtatious smses he had in that interesting inbox of his. anywae doug kept suaning ken abt MANdy the whole time. LOL. non-stop. until we touched some very crazy topics and i had to say, " hey! this is a family restaurant." b4 they cooled down, but for de time being onli. lol. had alot of fun, i tot it'll be super boring coz i couldnt skate, but it turned out jus great!! skating has become part of my life n i love it lor. anywae im so determined to learn wad those pros do. all by myself somemore, jus like how i started out, no professional training at all. lol. so damn excited abt fri now!! ppl invited mus go!! dun pang sei !!
okay, so after eatin we went to walk around coz anywae ken said he needed to buy new sports shoes! lol. u wont believe how much he has spent lor!! by the end of a week, he would have spent a thousand dollars! goodness!!!! 2 days ago, he bought a $450 ice skates, then he bought billabong stuff worth abt $150 altogether, then he paid for sakae n swensens meals which were abt another $150 altogether. then he bought a nike sports shoe today, costing abt $150 also i think. so altogther he has successfully spent $900 in 3 days!!! it'll be a thousand in no time since we haven taken into consideration his transport n everything else. to think i was bad enuf buying tt converse n 159 crumpler.
saw a very nice nike shoe, but nt gonna buy it coz another guy in aj wearing it. lol. anywae we chatted more abt everythin and doug was tellin us abt cj n their stuffs dere. hmm.. he ask me whether wanna go for double dating on valentines somemore. LOL. he might been perfectly enthusiatic, but i dun have a date... lol.
so i guess he hasnt changed much after all. same old habits. same old stories. its old, but at least its familiar. after buying we went home le. i went to yishun with doug to meet my grandma also. then now im back at home blogging. hmm.. sometimes, in the heat of the argument n debate abt so many undesired things like the moe letter raging outside, im purely satisfied n contented to be sitting at home enjoying family warmth, and my life since i gt into aj. useless caring abt it too. haha. weiyi say he gt receive also last yr. n he gt 7 pts. in vj.
i wanna skate...skate n skate. really. miss de rink. lol. n do u believe in love at first sight? cant stop thinkin abt it.
"Oppressors may torture their victims in many different ways they prefer, but all feel the same pain in the end."
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Saturday, January 21, 2006
Peak of Uncertainty
haven been blogging becoz i couldnt find time to. okay there is jus a million n one things i wanna tok abt now k. i jus came back frm ice skating and sakae and im super tired.. but i need to say these first. ok.
anywae on thur, gt choir.. and mr kwei aud me n put me in tenor 1 le. choir ppl r nice. so many look-alikes. cant wait to meet them up with their mirror-images. imagine jason frm johore meeting thomas! LOL. ok.. anywae, after tt we went to eat at j8 n while i was munvhing on my very spicy mcspicy, i caught a cj pe tee n orange bag at the corner of my eye! yes! douglas!! i ran after him then found him with tim. he went back home but tim needed to come coz he said he wanted to ask abt ken. very diao la. i think ken tt thing is like so over le. now gt new one le. wahh so fast.. like guo wei liddat.. but true lor. cant deny. thur morning also had pe. ran 8 rounds in total. first lesson mah. then do alot of other fitness n conditioning until super tired also. until now leg still aching but more probably coz i went ice skating lor.
on fri nothing much happened coz it was a very upsetting and uncertainty-tainted day! so irritating lor. that rumor abt the moe sending students letters to be a teacher. wahh. there is jus so many different versions of theory la. first one, if u received it, ur l1r5 is between 14 to 18 pts.!!! wth la. then second one, if u received it, ur l1r5 is double digit. yea.. until now still gt no gd news abt receiving it la. third, abit different le, there r 3 colors. red, white, and brown. if u get white, ur l1r5 is below 10. if u get brown, ur l1r5 is 10 to 20. if its red, ur l1r5 is above 20. goodness, with rumors and theories like this, everyone is jus gonna get into this total frenzy of paranoia and i dun wanna imagine all the possible outcomes.
so fri passed jus like tt. haix. had some pretty interesting lessons. watched geisha also. its filled with alot of lit. can be a lit text. lol. but really, i think all those very philosophical phrases would be much better expressed in terms of pronounciation. lol. i think michelle yeoh's eng is de best le. ken watanabe also la. of course gong li, being tt usual bi***, is jus de evil hatsumomo or somth. cant understand her eng la. lol. its quite an interesting movie la, has alot of emotional depth, though its not the best n most impressive, but its quite gd le lor. i think 8 days is doing injustice by rating it 2.5 stars.
sat, which is today, i went to sch for hist UN seminar, wahh.. gt some ppl impressive lor.. argue abt some pts like so zai or somth. lol. jiamin dun worry if u dun understand coz i dun think i do too ;p. then after tt joey n jiamin they all went to meet og le, so i went to meet ken to ice skate. went around the whole spore trying to find a 77 street tt sells tt crumpler i wan. so weird. finally found it at j8. -_-.
now for ice skating. im getting totally hyped up by the thought of it now. its damn nice really. it helps me relax n unwind (esp after hearing those rumors abt the moe letters) by letting the cold air blow on my face when i skate fast. skate ovetime lor today, abt 2 hr 30 min. and then i met this very nice guy who seems like a very pro skater. he was like giving me some tips lor. we're like total strangers but he's still very nice. said bye to him also. heard frm ken tt he's a frequent there. so mebbe next time i go back, which is supposed to be this coming fri, i may jus meet him again n i'll say hi. make new frens le! lol. dunno y getting so excited over making a new fren.
so anywae i think i'll be looking forward to fri. such an interesting day, wher everyone will be visiting sec sch teachers, celebrating, going out with classes n ogs, and dunno wad...
"Which is more important, the people or the government? Just like the brain and the heart, in terms of the top and the centre."
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Wednesday, January 18, 2006
The Lesser Spectrum of Emotional Experience
Firstly, i wanna thank swen for quoting me. lol. i jus read tt entry on de 14 of jan. didnt noe it wud affect u. and now finally, since a considerable amt of ppl already noes his blog, i guess its time i display a link on mine too. okay. anywae today was something similar. of course it was still incomparable to syf period, where the full spectrum of emotions were experienced. today was like, as the title suggest, a lesser version of it.
i had maths lecture in de morning n its in LT 1 and its freezing there i tell u. dunno y but everywhere i go today seems to be freezing, even my homeroom. weird. oh and in case ppl were nt dissatisfied enuf abt my pdg having only one pe lesson per week and some unusually short days, i have to say tt most of my tutorials n lessons r held in air-con classrooms as well... muhahaha. lol. nvm.
anywae i tried to rush some of the maths partial fractions at de library today.. and then later gt chinese n my chinese teacher rox lol. she is plain nice n mad. then it was maths tutorial and some other sch gal crashed aj to join the tutorial. very funny. the teacher spent like 10 min trying to find out y there were more ppl than on her list. lol. then finally de gal said she was trying out maths coz she dun take it n may consider takin it. but when de teacher asked her wad her subj combi was, she was like...'err i take phy, maths (!!) and something'. so obviously the secret's out. she crashed. budden de teacher still act dunno or something. she looked so blur abt everything lor.. one look noe its crashed de.. haha so funny.
then after sch... supposed to go for some air rifle tryout but guess wad... so many ppl and heard tt they r only selecting 6 ppl with best scores or something. so most cat high ppl were like.. okay.. can give up le coz we totally gt no experience. yup so each of us went to our respective other ccas. chris went to cxtreme. then i went to choir. they were having sectionals today and i totally couldnt reach the low parts for bass. i think i can sing sop. LOL. no la. so i ended up in tenor 1. aj choir very frenly, but i also nt confirmed yet coz tomorrow need to be auditioned by mr kwei. oh and there is this gal in sop tt looks exactly like ms hua!! LOL. its so funny la. and there is some guy in tenor 1 too tt looks exactly like thomas de. tt one i was telling everyone abt!! he is in choir n he practically stands beside me. and i called him thomas when his name was jason. so embarrasing. of course, we cud nt forget mr LHB's son in aj's choir. he is de student conductor. certainly interesting. looks very much like his dad anywae.
n then after everything i went to j8 to eat. wanted to buy a red crumpler bag but too bad guo wei said things tt made me dun wan buy le. so bad lor. haix. then met up with chris, xin chu, andrew n eugene ke. wahh andrew jus blasted a high note again very mad. then we jus sat there to tok abt alot of stuff abt cat high n aj... until like 6 something then came home.. so tired. i wanna slp le.
OH DEAR. tomorrow i have PE!! hope it rains or something so it'll be in de hall. nicer tt way la. if lucky, we run like 8-10 rounds, unlucky up to 14 rounds. better hope our pe teacher is merciful. first pe lesson onli la (n de onli one in de week muahhahha) opps. phy lab tomorrow too... heard de experiment is very difficult. cant finish in 1 n half hr!! hmm. fri wanna watch movie le. MOAG. guess wad tt is la. and then after prac still gt choir. hope everything goes well. GP lesson today was so fun!! i love eng, n still do!! muahha.
"Memories are empty shells of what and how we choose to perceive the past as it is incomparable to how we see the past evolving into the future."
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Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Wandering
Wandering
Today is like so slack. Lol. Coz I only had 2 lectures and a Chinese period. And btw, my Chinese teacher rocks!! Haha she is so funny and nice la. Anyway, something about my class tt ppl gonna hate abt: I have only one PE period per week!! Lolx. Tomorrow is not a very long day for me too, ending at around 1 something. Hahas. Dunno wad to do after school also.
Anyway today went to the library with jiamin to see their history collection. Wow lor. Cannot read finish de. Duh la. But then most of the books are so old and thick and heavy. If all of them was our textbooks for a lvl then we’re abit dead la. And anyway she likes chinas history. Jiamin if u r reading this u shud get to know my fren timothy, he is obsessed with communist china. Pure hist student too, my class de. Nt in aj though. Ok. Oh yah, n im gonna be in 13/06 if I stay in aj n transfer to sci stream. Hope to cya.
Had a six period break. Which meant 3 hrs. hmm and im the only one in my class who takes history. so yah. Shows how little the no. is. And, now im so fed up abt the cca crisis thingy. Coz chris jus pang sei me and joined choir. Now I must wait until first 3 months over la. Its like the whole cat high is in choir and joey was like telling nt to feel left out! Wahhah. How to nt. Esp with guo wei bitching abt how they enjoy choir sessions together. Haix.
And anyway, guo wei, muahahhahahaha! U had PE till 6.30pm. LOL.
So after my Chinese I went to j8 with joey then after tt to mos burger to meet Andrew n Philip. I solved some identities maths questions for them. And tt reminds me, I havent completed my maths tutorial for the partial fractions thingy!! Arhx!! And jus received physics tutorial stuff. They had to go back cat high to meet ms saras for a council meeting. So we went back. Then it rained so extremely heavily tt I got totally and absolutely and without a doubt fully completely drenched!! So wet!!!!!!!! And goodness! Guess wad I found out.. there are more holes in cat high now!!! Apparently our principal mr lee jus very nicely decided to dig more holes in grass patches in de school to fill them up with fountains n supposed-to-be-waterfall-thingys. So ya.. just a lil update for those who miss their sec sch and wanna visualize the state of it.
So after the rain stopped then I took a cab home. And once home, chatted with roy and ken. Dunno wads happening at cj also.. heard tt doug is getting more n more flirtatious but of course tts perfectly normal of him. Haix. Of course ken jus got very crazy and mad once again, citing that his lover has another lover. So yah.. looks like the competition is between 4 ppl now! N the heat is on!! (ken this para is totally dedicated to u since u r so excited abt blog surfing now.)
Hope I can start posting photos on my blog very soon. Sounds very fun. N roger, hope u get a job soon. Nt much time left anyway. Oh and, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUN KIAT!! 17 LE!! LOL.
"The clouds never expect it when it rains."
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Monday, January 16, 2006
Intrigued
i am rather intrigued by what is going on in just 3 weeks into school. some ppl i know have changed 360 deg. totally. and im like, 'who r u now?'. and some have changed much in their way they view things. its gd for ppl to change for the better, but apparently sometimes its quite scary. just barely 3 weeks into JC life and i know ppl so obsessed/in love with some other party. and to quote him when i asked where is he going after first 3 months, he replied, "wherever she goes". oh my. n ppl who dunno him wont ever believe he said such a thing.
anyway, lectures are so boring. only some are fun, but they are still minimal. finally went to the correct class today and met all new ppl there. took a class shot for some project and discussed abt cip. and until today i haven seen my PD tutor. she didnt come today either. and anywae, we didnt receive our timetable so tomorrow we r gonna be so screwed if we have maths tutorial suddenly, or mebbe PE! lol. heard its a challenge trying to decipher the new timetable, full of codes and incomprehensible shorthands. amazing, and we're getting it like tomorrow morning just b4 the first lesson starts.
sad... means tt wont have as much chance to see my frens le. hope to be as similar to them as possible though. apparently jiamin gt like lessons onli like 10 plus tomorrow!! lol. but have to wait for 2 hrs then can officially leave sch at 12.15pm. o lvl results r nearing le (sry but i still wanna mention it again n again) and the big question is: are u staying where u are.
on a very diff note, to mun kiat actually, the entry isnt really meant for u.. and its nt like ur case anywae. in fact, i think the person im really toking abt seldom reads blogs. and he is very unlikely to see this entry too.
cny is coming too, and i think im never gonna be able to finish wearing all de new clothes by the end of all 15 days judging by the amt my mum jus lugged home frm abroad for me yest nite. n i cant wait for the next mahjong showndown or something. haha...
"I will, must and always find something to look forward to, no matter how minor it may seem, because its what keeps me going."
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Sunday, January 15, 2006
Alternate Reality
i woke up this morning with another jolt. sleeping doesn't exactly seem like a luxury to me these days. dreams, they make u think alot of them once u wake up. its never ending. the possibilities, the consequences, the processes, its basically as good as alternate reality.
for the last few days, i have been dreaming abt things that could well be substituted into real life n we still live with it. i had one on receiving o lvl results, though i saw 2 slips of results and never did make out which was supposed to belong to me. and then one which i was living the past. in de dream, i was actually on my hp, still de one with the blue design, having a conference with doug and some other ppl. it was pretty weird. but i think it shud have happened b4 o lvls. i heard much abt dreams being signs and glimpses of the future, but why in de world am i having backward-dreaming..? weird.
then jus last nite i dreamt of a very calm scene, jus basically a family buying things at ntuc. but, the weird thing is, i gt a different bro! and i treat him so normally like one in de dream. now this is super weird coz normally u dream abt things tt u noe abt.. but this is obviously nt! and if u wanna noe who tt bro is, its thomas. and when i woke up, i found myself asking y did i not feel weird treating anyone else as my blood bro... but they couldnt be answered.
so after a brushed my teeth i went to my bro's rm to check on him! sometimes something may jus make u treasure ur loved ones more.. n perhaps this was one of them, though it came to me in a very weird way. and anywae, im gonna dedicate my next part of my entry to a certain someone, someone whom i respect alot.
to someone:
you have come across to me as an extremely courageous individual. its hard losing such a close family member at ur age, i mean, u r even younger than me. and if i were u, i really wouldn't noe how to handle such things. and yet, you maintained ur 'motor' (pun intended) in life. i really respect and admire u for all tt. you have passed through one of life's most difficult time and managed to emerge victorious claiming happiness that you well-deserved.
i am very touched by your emotional self. you are also an extremely loyal fren whom will never forget those around you. ur memories, though they may be tainted with fear, and uncertainty, but u chose only to emphasize and keep those good ones. so as to use them to propel urself forward in ur life. kudos to u. becoz ppl will be inspired, ppl will find a beacon of light in u that directs them. and by that, u can be considered one of the strongest individual amongst us.
you r nt alone too, one of my good frens in pri 4 also experienced the same loss as u. his was more abrupt, caused by an accident. u too will always be ppl i respect. ppl who dont tumble and trip over their own emotional mess. i salute u too. for me, i had my own experiences in childhood too, when i was very much younger. i almost lost mine too, but in a different manner. it was literally a struggle, but now its over, and we shud all treasure all our loved ones we have for as long as we can hold them dear.
"You can never be truly satisfied and comfortable without you convincing yourself it is."
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Saturday, January 14, 2006
Unpredicted Future
the days are getting close. closer and closer towards the day which we are gonna take our results, possibly life-changing for many. some in a satisfying agreement to their efforts put in, or others thinking where in the world might their results plonk them into. anywae, i think most of us dun really wanna think abt all these rite now. so im gonna stop. i had to say it coz i needed to justify the 2 hours i spent browsing thru all the JCs webbys in spore. lol. call it preparing for any unforseen circumstances.
anywae, i have confirmed that there is a mr tim teaching in chs. he shud be called mr tim, and the thing is tt, he is a ex-cat high. nt too long ago. i still rmb seeing him wearing the sch u. so i guess he came back as a temp teacher rite after his a lvls. prob awaiting his a lvl results. and guess wad. mrs tham asked me yestd whether i wanted to be a teacher. she said it will be a challenging but enriching job. haha.. i told her i might jus consider. seems like time is passing so damn quickly n i think A lvl may soon be over too. wad ever happened yestd not only happened to me, it also happened to so many others. well i guess tts quite normal then. for the record, mrs zalinah ang is now also teaching at IJC.
the future is getting more unpredicatable. im nt worried abt sudden getting a heart attk n dying now, but more of the small lil things tt happens each day. coz it is essential i noe wad im doing n wher im going at this pt in time. i have set some rules of myself for jc le, but i still need to monitor myself to brace the many challenges which the teachers in jc jus love to tell us about. and since today is already the second week, im sure all the jc's orientation shud be finally over. time for proper lessons. hmm. gt civics lesson on mon and this time im finally going to my real class. gawd. couldn't believe i went to the wrong PDG the last civics lesson and sat thru the whole thing and introducing myself, adding my name into their contact list, only to find after the lesson that i was in the wrong class and my real class PD tutor was probably calling out for me desperately... lol.
n then there's hist lecture on mon too.. hmm. hope its getting interesting. oh btw, for anyone who wanna take JC hist, pls start loving the chapter in ur modern world hist called 'the cold war'. coz the whole of J1 for sure we r only gonna study one chapt and that is 'the cold war' and all its tiny minute details. on a different note, chris now has a new blog and some of his food for thought are quite nice too... go visit n u'll noe..
"It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in an argument."
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Friday, January 13, 2006
Shattered Nostalgia
Today is just like any other day, only thing is that after school and all those lectures I went to Cat High coz we were invited for the CCA Orientation. Many things have changed, characters differed, lives turned, but they they still hold on to their same faces. We may be in different worlds now, but we are still looking up at the same sky. Anyway, there is practically nothing much to blog about the orientation just that it was pretty interesting to see drama becoming so outrageous this year to even paint their members in shocking colors and for some of them to don clown-clothing. Kudos to their courage and ability to stand out. I guess you guys really got many heads turning.
Of course, we were not the only seniors which went back. The most who went back were from VJ. They had so many of themselves that they were doing mass dances, VJ cheers and other full-of-hyperness VJ orientation stuffs. Especially for drama, we had members from almost all parts of singapore. Literally. Tze Swen went to NJ, Sng Tiak went to RJ, Zi Tong and I went to AJ, Roy Lee CJ and Jerold IJ, and I'm sure there are drama members who went to NYJ and SAJ. It felt good at first to see everything and wave 'hi' to everyone at first, then I started to get the very 'sick and tired' feeling. I don't really know what hit me, but I'm very sure I had never felt this way in Cat High before, probably only when in Sec 1. It is absolutely not giving me any chance to feel any sense of nostalgia. The memories of council room, rainy day duty, talking in class came back like a sudden wave only when I played some songs, but apparently it was only skeletons of memories left. Sadly, what seemed almost impossible is happening. Sec 3 2004 was the happiest year of my life, whilst Sec 1's the worst. Looking at the new sec 1s touring the school, they were obviously trying to start a new life in Cat High, just like how we, the seniors are trying to start in our respective JCs.
Perhaps you might have felt it, or you might have not. But I certainly did. The feeling is different now. With only short bursts of happiness reaching a quarter of what we shared together in the past, the motivation to continue a conversation or anything is really handicapped. In fact, I felt really tired. Tired that I might have possibly been betrayed for my loyalty, tired that you looked somewhere else now, tired that everything have changed, even though I kept preaching about embracing it. It is still an irony now, it will always be. Coming back home in my car, I was really really tired, so tried I can't really start a conversation, so tired I can't think of what am I exactly tired about. I need a revival to gear myself towards happiness, and even though I know I am and will get it soon, what is important is that one never forgets his feelings. It is what leads to one finding his true self. Sad but true.
I got the dream again, the dream of being with someone I like, or maybe it is only an infatuation, but it was one of those very very rare times I felt real. The emotions were real, at least at the moment. But I knew I had to wake up, because it occurred that love might be well again forbidden. It was the second time of such embrace, and it was my real and true definition of love and embrace, with all mind, and soul, but never with a body. It is already the second time, and I really don't wish to have it again, because waking up is equivalent to breaking up. Thrown into reality for like the upteen time, when all I requested was to walk and discover reality alone myself.
"Perhaps memories all have a purpose, to force one to feel nostalgic, so as he could yearn for a better future to be kept as a proud past."
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Thursday, January 12, 2006
AJ had the CCA orientation yesterday. You wouldn't be able to guess what some of the J2 seniors said so we would be persuaded to join their respective CCAs. The guy from ODAC said that I had a very good built for rock climbing, camping, blah blah blah, all those very outdoor stuffs that ODAC does. Interesting. Then the track people said I was sure to be the best runner, best jumper, and don't know what else that people who know me well would not use to describe about me. So in the end I went to sign up for Air Rifle. LOL. Coz firstly, its a new CCA that hasn'e existed in CHS, and secondly many of my friends went to sign up, so I decided no harm trying it too. Haha. But there is still one thing I don't quite understand. Why do all ex-CHS boys who are already very well-adjusted to their JC life keep telling all the J1s from CHS things about CHS that make them miss their secondary school? For example, that guy from ODAC, who was also from CHS Sec, just had to end his whole 15 min description about ODAC as, "CHS Rocks!". Last week, I have, too seen many of such cases, especially for my OGL, Mark. Maybe CHS really rocks, but saying such things just make the J1s feel sec-sch-sick. It's not really working if that was to try to create a similar identity or something.
Of course, who would ever ever ever forget the SECOND time all the CHS students gathered at the centre of AJ Hall, just to cheer, "Gong Jiao, OI, Gong Jiao, OI, Gong Jiao, EBA!!". Yes, we did it again. This time I was involved too. Like GW said, the Cat High part of me feels so proud and so glorious, yet the public side of me felt a little weird, unsure of whether we really should have done such an outrageous thing. Anyway, just for records, this time the cheer was louder, clearer, and with much more gusto. Haha. We just finished dancing Boriquito in a circle and we decided to do it. Furthermore, it was encouraged by a ex-cat high, Barry, if I'm not wrong, ex-CSM of NCC (air). Haha.
More lectures yesterday and today too, feeling bored sometimes by still very intrigued by the subject Economics. Haha. Just plain weird or something. Cannot find a better word at the moment. And TX, forever with his very beloved OG. Sometimes the Herd just don't know whether to feel jealous or angry. Anyway, we were dancing It's Gonna Be Me again. Haha. Nice.
I have been blog-surfing these days and anyway I have a little to share about what I feel upon reading a certain blog entry. Sometimes, the true art of self-satisfaction is really about one succeeding in making the world know him as who he wants them to know he is. It not only builds up his confidence, but also many other sub-conscious parts of himself. It is really upsetting and frustrating if one lives his whole life though with everybody misinterpreting him. There are only two options then: 1) Change who he is 2) Try harder. Of course, we normal humans are not exactly like those very noble people we see in television drama which claims even if the whole world were to despise them, they would not care at all because all that matters is one believes in himself. Lets face it, we are not this noble, nor this so full of self-acceptance and harbouring such strong beliefs.
Also, I would really like to go to CHS tomorrow for the CCA Orientation there!!! But for goodness sake! I have a GP lecture which ends at a very wonderfully earthly hour of 4.15pm. Hmmm. And talking about school, I went to the wrong PDG today. Totally weird. Wonder why my life's so funny at times. But at least I provide entertainment for myself. Haha. SO UR BETTER WAIT FOR ME! lol.
Final quote: Lies are my best friends, just as how they are my worst enemies.
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Monday, January 09, 2006
End of Orientation
Basically, orientation 1 dor AJ has ended officially after the finale nite on fri at both the AJ square and the hall. It was halfway changed to the hall because of the slight but sudden rain, and the interesting thing is that the campfire was actually set up in the hall too, though we know its not a real big flame inside. The effort put in by the 22nd Students' Council, all OGLs and the enthusiasm provided by the JC1s really fused to make the event a success, as all Principals/SC President/OGLs might have been heard saying. So anyway, I have been also coversing with other JCs whom i know friends there, so I can compare the standard of orientation around all the JCs in Singapore. Well, obviously there is alot in common between the JCs. Most, if not all, would have their students splitted up into 6 main groups, with really fanciful names. Then the OGLs would also behave more or less the same way, trying to go out with their OGs as much as possible or something. The whole orientation was to more or less revolve around these 6 main groups, which leaves the only difference in orientation in the respective JCs the feeling each provoke in their students. It is only the level of 'hyperness' or 'highness' that one feel through the orientation that made the difference. I think I'm rather convinced about VJ's orientation about being literally crazy. SAJC apparently had a dance that's rather challenging as well, and CJ has many skits and dances which apparently has kept a friend of mine abnormally/extremely busy the past week. Now for NJ, which I heard their real fun starts only this week. So I'll be waiting for anything that stands out in NJ to be proudly announced and bragged about soon.
Now that the orientation is over, we have lectures. And wow, today I actually had a 4-consecutive-long-hour break in between my lectures. Had nothing much to do so I went to sit in for the Chem H2 lecture as well. And of course, Thank Goodness I did not take Chem. LOL. The teachers were rather interesting to begin with, but I am not really going to talk about them until we get to know them better in the weeks. Anyway I am very happy to have gotten my first choice subject combination. It's a science subject course, but I decided to take it anyway. So now I'm this so called scientific arts student. Haha.
Our lives have changed, and not only that, lives at home have changed too. Recently I heard that Mrs Neo and Ms Thian are no longer Drama teachers-ic. Very shocking. Mrs Neo getting out of drama...rather unimaginable until now that it is a fact. So in the end I did not visit them when I went back on Fri. Felt rather distant and anyway they were having a very serious meeting with Mrs Crothers then. Didnt dare to disturb them especially with their very stoic looks on their faces. So coming back to JC life, I guess I have yet another important decision to make: Which CCA to join? Not planning to join drama again, and not much choices haha. Oh, and by the way, the food in AJ is weird. LOL. Don't bother asking me what 'weird' defines. You would not want to know.
Okay, so anyway, see! Now I am actually blogging. Though I have changed my skin again. Watched Emily Rose and House of Wax just on Sunday. Emily rocks. LOL. But almost had a nightmare. All Tze Swen's fault. And now he just keeps asking me to watch The Village.
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Wednesday, January 04, 2006
it is something so loud, so obvious that's everyone's just fighting to have their voice heard, but no, everyone's seemed speechless. at least rite here rite now. its been 2 days. 2 days since we were pulled out of our past and thrown into the future. perhaps the future may nt differ too much frm the past, but it still does matter alot.
firstly, wad hit me the most after the first day of school for those jc1s are their msn nicks. those that impacted me the most were those who said cat high rox, but it was too late to realise. it gave me alot of mixed feelings. i noe i could never get the same feeling of what i got in cat high. i mean, i have been there for 10 yrs and it lives on.. besides, jc's onli 2 yrs... every sch has something unique and subtle to offer in toppings for their current students' feelings, and mind you, u better treasure it before its too late. i count myself lucky coz i treasured mine. it was something im very proud of.
anywae, the orientation was very tiring lol. it definitely is, but i think the 2nd day was more fun, coz our OG won more times today. lol. i have also heard abt other sch's orientation like NJ.. which i read frm swen's blog. he had a entry on 'The Moment of 2005'. and i think my moment of 2005 is nothing near the o levels, nothing near all the big big exams/tests, probably nearer to the competions like SYF and CCA, probably... but i guess mine true moment of 2005 is one of THE many moments which i walked across the school corridor.
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