foreword
ぜんかい -- ゼンカイ
no longer yearning. what have we not done before?
"the world is really but the stage - create the most fulfilling play"
If you're a thief, master the art of thievery.
A psychotic mind leaves no room for regrets.
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Zheng Kai
01.11.1989
CHS - AJC
RevoAct
AJChoir
1st Tenor
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© Copyrights:
Original layout
Content & Images
Chok Zheng Kai, 2008
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Wednesday, January 30, 2008
it isnt bothering me as much alr. thank god for today, being busy rly helps.
was talking to a jnr jus now. and wow. it rly brings back alot alot of memories. i nvr knew i still rmbed them haha. suddenly i realised the batch im close to: the one which graduated in 2007 ( 2 yrs younger) also left cat high and missing it alr. damn. time rly passes rly quickly. now reminiscing abt cat high also not much use since its only the tcher, school building, name and culture tt puts things to perspectives, and not the ppl. not them anymore. haha...
still rmb the times in sec 3.. had to do those silly things. like promoting and selling ch jive. LOL. hmm. suddenly feel like visiting all those tchers again. =D well. CNY's a rly good time. i have to do something this yr. or at least im rly up in the mood rite now. thinking abt ch jive brings back memories abt my jnr class which i mentored back in 2004. sec 1-2. tts where i gt to know most of my close jnrs till today. and the best part is tt the jnr i was toking to was frm tt class! its like the reunion of 2 old frens which met long ago. even though we rly just met and anw he's leaving for another sch (not aj) alr hahha. so well. but still. thinking abt 1-2 reminds me of drama. the good old drama days. thinking abt ch jive reminded me of council too. hha. though i joined late. but it still had a strong impression in me... plus the tchers in charge. i wonder how mr toh is doing now in china. and i still wonder if that good old mr chen jie jue lao shi still rmbed our yue ding 10 yrs later frm 2003 (which is 2013), not too long frm now. haha.
as for drama, wad i rly feel is a lil of guilt and pity. somehow after we left all of us gt too busy with our lives and preoccupied with other things.. we no longer had the time nor commitment to go back anymore. i think its the biggest regret of my jc life. other than tt. i'd love to say everything else had to happen for a reason or another, and thus no other regrets..
its kinda late now to reminisce abt everything. in apr, im gonna join the ranks of all other 18 yr old males in singapore to serve the nation. it seems kinda bland, kinda uninteresting, compared to the so much more colorful and dramatic life i've been living all along. but oh well, since its a new life, why not embrace it with all optimism. i guess tts wad makes me me.
u noe things have rly kinda changed when i rly start blogging on a regular basis again. haha +)
i rly miss cat high. once again. it nvr ends.
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Tuesday, January 29, 2008
an unexpected happening? or rather, i should say, something within my range of expectations. if u wud believe me i'd told u i had a imagery of something else even more developmental. no doubt this is just the beginning. am i taking things too seriously? im having trouble breathing again..
gradually things that are important to me are no longer in my constant line of thought. who are you? who am i? what am i doing everyday? why am i doing all this? for what? it takes more than a me alone to answer all these questions. i want change, i need change, yet im unwilling to change, i mind change.
now, i dont even want to think abt the close future.
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Monday, January 28, 2008
im must admit. im feeling quite terribly disappointed. but i cannot blame them also. either way, it just means we'll have to make the best outta whatever we have. fret what? we started with nothing anyway..i know i'll take it easy. definitely, not like i'm unable to live with it. but my perfectionistic nature is shouting the hell out. but its thru such imperfections that we find perfection. like how hearts grow fonder as they are away. let there be the abundance of hope.
anw, main pt here. I'VE JUST WATCHED A MAGNIFICENT ARTS CENTRAL PROG. its abt a UK choral master called gareth trying to form a choir out of scratch from a UK high school to compete in the xiamen choir olympics. and the process which they struggled...it was amazing. they struggled so much to finally record a CD to be sent to china to see if they qualify. and they did this 9 months b4. all the way in 2005 end of yr. omg.
i was speechless. what's happening on screen and to my life has SO MUCH in common and yet SO MUCH in difference. we share the same love for singing and music, but we live in polar opposites in stunningly differing cultures! they had to struggle to get thru the qualifying round..it was such hope and faith in the kid's eyes and soul that made it all worth it. we struggled too, and we got the champion. suddenly, it seems we got the champion quite easily, just like that. even though we did struggle, abeit a different one. it makes me feel so lucky to be me, to be where i am. it was a classic example of the chinese saying 'shen zai fu zhong bu zhi fu'..
pls. can we share such love, hope, faith and song once again?
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Friday, January 25, 2008
living in an anime..
indeed. in a twist of events, things which i nvr prepared for are thrown into my face. whilst thats how the 'world goes round', it certainly would be a lie to say i feel undisturbed by recent events.
dont assume. coz you'll make a 'ass' outta 'u' and 'me'. wahaha. trust me. im calm.
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Tuesday, January 15, 2008
right. cant believe im actually blogging now. this time i hope its not only for the archives though =x
anw, it has been almost 1 and a half months since i last blogged. and between this period? was there anything worth blogging about? haha im not too sure. it was kinda good that i instructed my whole family (and they really did obey me) to forget and not mention anything about my bday since it was in the middle of a lvls. but well. i say it was kinda good coz i completely forgot about ever rly turning 18 and still stuck thinking im living that sexy seventeen.. until aggie's bday came and left. lol.
what else happened? yes it has been a wonderfully long festive period for as long as i could rmb. after a's it was kinda festive. then came the many PHs incl xmas and new yr.. it was also most remembered as the period where i spent most money. and i still owe ppl xmas gifts. i dont think it will ever end haha. new yr was kind of boring for me though, perhaps i always have this tendency to get into moods of things and events far too early or much later after the event.. haha.
now here i am blogging, also in the 3rd month of my job. haha. all the money earned will just go to riding those gondolas over in italy. but somehow im excited. very excited. like i said of my bad habit, it wasnt long back when i realised its 2008 already and started being all excited about it. in fact if i didnt rmb wrongly, it was only last week. ahha. two thirds of my guy frens have already entered the army, or rather thats how i perceived it to be since there are 3 main grps of enlistment. soon in april it will be my turn.. and am i scared? actually no. am i excited? no too. it just seems like a different life and im in the middle of apprehension and also apathy. yeah right now i dont rly care nor think much abt it. wanna enjoy first.
but then again i shud also realise there is something else coming up tt is equally life-changing as NS. that is our a lvl results. heard this yr is gonna be earlier (obviously). so i guess tt shud be thing im looking forward/scared abt haha. nt rly sure wad to feel. i bet i'd only feel it on tt day itself in the hall =x
time passes so quickly its almost unbelievable that those jnrs in secondary 2 i knew back then who nvr ever seem to grow up are now in jc. and my jnrs in choir are now preparing for a lvls at the end of this yr.. more importantly, i've come to realise that im no longer a student, wearing those uniforms and hanging out after school galliavanting in j8 or god knows where. i kinda miss that. wait. i rly do. and im sure many wud agree with me. it was kinda strange nt gg to school on the 2nd of jan, and it was even stranger seeing everyone in sch uniforms in places we still hang out, only realising we r definitely older than them now.
time passes so quickly my lil bro is now in sec sch. maybe thats why memories of my own sec sch started pouring in quickly into my overused mind for nonsense haha. even to the point where it clouds and overshadows my memories in jc. what path/road he takes in sec sch is pretty gonna make him 75% of who he is in future. and it seems its rly time for everyone to grow up. i wonder what wud it be like, not only for me, for my family and all, when i turn 21, in 2010. i wonder..
anyway, i've said so much i cant label my post-a-lvls as boring anymore. just yesterday i had the chance to step into the staff rm of aj. haha. always tot ex students arent allowed since cat high had that rule. little thrills still amazes me. hhaha
oh and anyway, apart from all the facebooking and random outings, welcome to the AAA: Amoeba-Anemone-Anonymous - for individuals whom are unafraid.
oh well. i cud very well be living in an anime. hah
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