foreword
ぜんかい -- ゼンカイ
no longer yearning. what have we not done before?
"the world is really but the stage - create the most fulfilling play"
If you're a thief, master the art of thievery.
A psychotic mind leaves no room for regrets.
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Zheng Kai
01.11.1989
CHS - AJC
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footnote
© Copyrights:
Original layout
Content & Images
Chok Zheng Kai, 2008
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Monday, June 16, 2008
The rest of the NSFs from the April intake will hate me for saying this - but I really felt my 1 and a half week break was completely necessary. Who could have missed out on all the catching up, ice-cream-ing at B&J's and all the almost-forgotten frivolous moments?
Indeed, we have all grown up. Apart from the more outrageous, direct and sexual "adult" topics that are taking over our conversations, the reality is far from surreal. In a few weeks time, the girls I once knew as girls per se are already becoming undergraduates by their own right, stepping into their next exciting phase of their life in university. All Singaporean males I know in my batch have already enlisted and passed out from their BMT. Half of 2008 is already gone, did you realise?
My mum told me a few days ago that she felt especially proud of me this year - to have accomplished quite many things, in her opinion. However, personally I did not feel any special sense of accomplishment or pride. I'm sure the feeling was greater back when I was in JC, for example, in Xiamen in 2006. Well, she wasn't wrong to come to such a conclusion. But to me, I felt it was expected of my age. I am 18 going on 19. Next year is officially my last teenage year, whether I like it or not. Just today in camp, I came across a database category in Wikipedia that reads: 1989 births. And to my surprise, there were exactly 1,467 names recorded there. These people did something significant enough by the age of 18/19 to get themselves on Wikipedia. It made me wonder, expectations are really changing. If you wanted to be someone outstanding, 1467 people are already ahead in the race! And that's not counting those that are born after 1989!
Then it dawned on me - what really made me happy and accomplished was not being part of those 1467, it was not being part of them but still managing to struggle a success out of this game of life. This feat, though small in the eyes of others, is big to your loved ones, your parents, your siblings, your relatives and friends. Sharing and creating this joy to them is priceless. And by that I do not mean we should have low expectations and be contented with who we are, but on the contrary, we are doing great things - finding simple joy and love in the smallest things. I'm sure not everyone can do that.
I always hated the idea of discussing about the army or my experiences in there with my curious relatives. But this weekend changed all that. I am more than willing to share now, as it still shows my standing in the family, my relatives' interest in me, and how proud they are on top of everything else. The unforgettable laughters at my dining table yesterday night proved it was worth it.
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